Biden introduces “Ice Cream Fridays” to schools nationwide


Biden’s plan for Ice Cream Fridays comes at a cost to taxpayers.

Joe Biden was recently inaugurated as the 46th president of the United States, and he has already made some big changes. Joe Biden recently issued an executive order that declared school districts across the country will participate in “Ice Cream Fridays,” where every Friday, every student across the nation is entitled to a cone of ice cream during school hours. The frozen dairy treat will be provided by the federal government, and the costs are calculated to be up to 33.2 billion dollars. 

Biden was bombarded with questions from the press about why he made this decision. His response was:

“These American students deserve this ice cream for their hard work and perseverance during these times. COVID has taken a huge toll on their schooling, and their ability to adjust, I believe, has earned them a reward, that being ice cream. And what’s better than ice cream? Everybody loves ice cream, even me. Shcubddidnk.”

When Biden was asked how to raise funds for this program, his response was to raise taxes. This enraged many Americans.

“What the heck?!” said senior Joe Dorminy. “I shouldn’t be payin’ no taxes for no doggone ice cream! This is a buncha bullcrap!”

Others, such as Junior Aaron Laird, are excited about the new program.

“As long as it’s my favorite flavor, strawberry pickle, I’m fine with paying taxes for Ice Cream Fridays.”

The school board voted that each cone would be handed out during each lunch period, to ensure each student receives their ice cream. However, the staff at B-A are enraged at the fact that they are not included in the Ice Cream Fridays. Staff member Mr. Kerry Naylor says:

“This is outrageous! Why can’t I get ice cream? I work just as hard, and do just as much if not more work than the students! We should definitely impeach this president just because I don’t get free ice cream during school hours that is meant for children.”

Naylor held a walk-out against the new Ice Cream Fridays, but he walked alone, as no one would join him.