BAHS physics teacher Alice Flarend is currently being investigated for magical powers after an email brought to light her secret identity.
After an email between a student and Flarend, accusations are running rampant that she is secretly a wizard.
On March 7, a student emailed the teacher a physics-related meme, jokingly asking if she was a wizard but never expecting such a shocking response.
“Of course I am,” stated Flarend in the email. The student, still skeptical, decided to get together their second period physics class to get to the bottom of the mystery before alerting administration.
The students observed Flarend closely throughout the next week and found undeniable evidence of wizardry.
“She made a bowling ball float in a bucket of water,” commented physics student Evalyna Aiken, “and also tried to drop it over my head a few times. I don’t think that last part has anything magical to do with it, she’s just crazy.”
Another student, Gabriel Waltermire, brought in a set of twenty-sided dice to attempt an “arcana check” to see if there was anything magical located in the classroom, but he rolled a critical failure.
“We’re currently learning about quantum physics, but I’m pretty sure she’s just putting the word ‘quantum’ in front of her magical spells and just saying it’s a physics thing,” stated physics student Jayden Bartlebaugh.
Other magical instances the students found included Flarend being able to move lasers where she desired at will, along with a suspicious vial of liquid that changes color. “Oh it’s definitely a potion,” said senior Ben Ritchey.
The most telling piece of evidence the students found was a picture of Flarend with a wizard hat and pointy stick.
“I took the picture while nobody was in class, but I think she saw me because next thing you know she started mumbling something about my appendix and scribbling things on the board,” stated senior Christopher Walls. Just a week later, Walls was out of class getting his appendix surgically removed.
After Walls’ disappearance, the students went to the school board with their evidence.
“I never thought we could have a wizard among us,” commented BAHS principal Richard Schrier. “But the evidence the students provided us is well worth investigating. We want to take any precautions we can.”
Administration has put together WAND (Wizard And Natural Divination Seekers) to get to the bottom of the wizardry.
“We have found evidence that the so called ‘solar panels’ on Flarend’s home are actually some sort of magical forcefield that disguises the wizardry happening inside the house from the blind eye,” commented the Head Wizard Seeker. “We also have reason to suspect that her husband, who installs ‘solar panels’ for a living has been helping local wizards hide their identities as well.”
After further investigation by WAND, math teacher Kristeen Riddle has also become under fire for wizard accusations. “Her room is head-to-toe in Harry Potter merch, and she categorizes us by Hogwarts house in class,” commented Lily Miller. “Either she is trying to convert us into wizardry or she just has an obsession.”
Flarend has refused to comment, and insists on writing down “physics equations” that look similar to magical runes. Riddle has taken her discipline better than anticipated and is streaming all the Harry Potter movies on loop, also refusing to comment.
