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Madi Steinbauer is a 2013 Bellwood-Antis graduate who is currently attending Penn State University. You can visit her blog here.

When does it stop?

Hate.

Violence.

When. Will. It. Stop.

I had a fairly busy day today, so when I was able to sit down and look through twitter all I saw was #UCCShooting. All I could think of was “not again.”

How horrible is that? How sad is that? This has become a normalcy in our lives.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized that a life full of violence and hate are all that some children know right now.

And that realization broke my heart.

Hate. I hate you. I hate that. I hate this. I hate them. I hate me. Hate is everywhere we look. The word is said every day. Out of anger or irritation. And the older we get, the more we seem to use that word without using the full effect of its meaning. Hate is one of the strongest words you could use when angry.

Violence. It pairs with hate very well. Nowadays, hate is often accompanied by violence. Riots. Shootings. Beatings. Suicide.

YES THAT IS ALL VIOLENCE.

Riots happen everywhere. The biggest that we have even dealt with this year were Ferguson and Baltimore. And how sad was it that our TVs were engulfed by these images that our younger siblings and children were able to see? A life that is supposed to be precious and loving was changed because of people burning down buildings to try and prove a point.

But I thought that as children we were supposed to be taught that violence is not the answer? And now our TVs were showing that it very well could be.

Just please make this stop so I am no longer terrified of a war with our own country.

Shootings. Guns. Gun violence. People violence. More laws. More hate. More shootings. More more more.

How many people have to die before they realize that something needs to change?

We have to be afraid in school, churches, movie theaters, and soon… everywhere we go.

Whether it be higher security, better background and psychological checks, gun laws. I don’t care.

Just please make this stop so I am no longer afraid of a kid with his hand in his pocket for far too long.

Beatings. Since when exactly was it okay to go around beating up someone you had a problem with?

Once again, weren’t you taught that violence isn’t the answer?

Does it please others to see someone that they hate (there’s that word again) covered in blood and black and blue bruises from cheek to cheek? Does it make them feel a sense of power and superiority?

And to the people recording it: Who have you become to stand there and watch while someone is being brutally hurt?

Just please make this stop so I can stop being so afraid to walk to my car alone in the dark.

Suicide. How many times can I tell a stranger that I love them and that they matter? I don’t know. But one day I would love to try.

You reading this. You are beautiful. You are worth it. You matter. You are loved. You are kind. You are talented. And you are someones world.

Don’t do it. Don’t leave. Stop hating yourself. Because even if I don’t know you, I love you.

And the people that make them feel like they aren’t worthy of living…Why is your heart so full of hate?

Just please make this stop so I can stop crying over another friend who has taken their lives or tried to.

When will it stop?

When will we replace the violence and hate with love and thoughtfulness?

When will I stop being scared of this life that we are living?

When can I watch the news again without being brokenhearted about another murder, riot, shooting, or suicide?

We life in a life full of hate.

And in turn, we start to hate.

We won’t find peace.

We won’t find compassion.

And because hate is starting to become the only thing the media covers, the only thing on social media, the only thing our ears hear…we will transfer hate to our children.

Because hate is taught.

And our world will collapse.

So can you tell me when it will stop?

So I can stop being afraid for my future family.