Mr. Crowell sent to Belarus to ease world tensions

DISCLAIMER: this story is not true


Mr. Crowell will soon become a household name.

Within the last couple weeks, world tensions have skyrocketed with Russia invading Ukraine. The controversy has left the world as spectators to ongoing madness with intervention likely resulting in a world conflict. In recent news, Russia and Ukraine have both agreed to meet in Belarus to discuss the future for the troubling conflict.

With the world begging for a solution, Bellwood-Antis High School has delivered. Industrial arts teacher Bill Crowell will be sent to Belarus to oversee negotiations between Russia and Ukraine and hopefully provide peace to the two quarreling nations. The decision came late last night when the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) made a phone call to principal Schreier to ask for help, which led to the choosing of Crowell.

“Mr. Crowell is certainly our most diplomatic teacher on staff; he goes to Canada to fish every year so he is very familiar with foreign affairs,” stated principal Schreier.

When asked about the selection and what he wishes to accomplish, Mr. Crowell stated: “I hope to give both countries a piece of my mind. We also need a new scroll saw here at B-A so I will try to work that into the deal.”

After hearing Crowell’s controversial comment, Russian President Vladimir Putin publicly voiced his displeasure and assured that Crowell would pay the consequences for his choice words.

In response to the threat, Crowell stated “If I ever run into Putin, there will be two hits: me hitting Putin, and Putin hitting the floor.” Crowell then dropped the mic and walked away with overwhelming confidence that left the media and onlookers amazed.

The town of Bellwood is very excited to be getting such amazing exposure. Shortly after hosting the Super Bowl , Bellwood has been thrusted back into the world spotlight only 3 weeks later, which has nearly tripled the towns’ population and economy.

B-A teachers are elated to have Crowell representing B-A at a world stage. Math teacher Mrs. Stinson said: “Crowell runs this school, there’s record of him teaching here during the homo-sapien era, so he certainly has the necessary experience.”

Students are very displeased with the news because that means students will have to do piles of bookwork in his absence instead of woodworking.

“It’s just stupid, the bookwork is very time consuming and I don’t like it,” said sophomore Chloe Hammond.

Although the students aren’t in favor, the town of Bellwood is very excited to make a name for themselves on an international stage. This story is still developing, so stay tuned to CNN for more updates and to keep up with ongoing negotiations.

Best wishes Mr. Crowell!