A modest proposal: American obesity


Nathan Davis

Here in America, we are faced with a rising epidemic of obesity.  Rates are continuing to rise both in youths and adults.  Obviously this is not a good look for our country; nobody wants to live in “the fattest place on Earth”.  So hear me out when I tell you I have a solution for this.  After hearing it, the answer should be clear-cut and obvious.

A monthly “Hunger Games” will take place across the nation, and its participants will include everyone who is considered seventy-five or more pounds overweight.  There will be large arenas set up at various locations, over 200 per state, in fact.  This will accommodate all of the obese people who will be participating in the games.

The objective is simple, kill the others, or stay alive.  Only one will survive each arena and live to see another day.  Weapons will be provided at certain locations throughout the arenas.  Alliances can be created if need be, but remember, only one can make it out alive in the end.

Aside from decreasing the number of obese people in America, these games will also provide great entertainment and enjoyment for the fit people of our country.  Seating will be available at all arena locations.  There will also be live broadcasts on your local news station of the games taking place nearest to you.

I chuckle to think that other proposals are being made.  A tax on unhealthy, fattening foods?  Mandatory workout periods for the obese population?  These ideas are preposterous to say the least.

At the end of the day, I hope the public can understand the “Hunger Games” are the only real way to get this obesity epidemic in America under control.