The COVID vaccine is all good… sorta


The COVID vaccine is here, and people will endure anything to get it.

The COVID-19 vaccine has just recently been approved by the FDA and could be on its way to the general public in the coming weeks or months.  The vaccine, produced by the company Pfizer, works by sending signals to your body to create proteins that help your immune system fight COVID-19.  It has been administered to frontline healthcare workers across the country and other groups are soon to be next.  This vaccine is supposedly harmless but there have been rumors that it might have some unforeseen side effects.  But does anyone care if it means they’re safe from COVID-19.

A healthcare worker in Germany named Adelheid Schäfer was vaccinated and shortly after grew a third arm.  She didn’t seem to care however.

Schafer was on record saying, “As long as I don’t have to get Covid-19 I don’t care about my third arm.  I can now be at peace and not have to worry about mild flu-like symptoms.”

A few healthcare workers in the United States have seen similar situations in which they have had side effects shortly after being vaccinated.

One such person is a registered nurse from Slaughterville, Oklahoma named Patricia Langley, who developed scales and webbed feet after receiving the vaccine.

“Heck yeah these physical deformities are a bummer but at least I ain’t having to worry about losing a few work days due to loss of smell and taste.  That I can at least be thankful for,” said Langley.

The CEO of Pfizer, Albert Bourla, spoke in a press conference regarding these reports of serious side effects.

“I understand that there are concerns about the new vaccine but I assure you that after days of testing three subjects, the vaccine seemed to defend against Covid-19 very well.  It is also important to add that the three subjects were mostly alive at the end of testing so the vaccine is safe,” explained a confident Bourla.

One thing some people don’t like is that the agreement you must sign before getting vaccinated is nearly 30 pages long and written in a font too small to easily read.  However, a science teacher from a small high school in Arkansas named Henry Pollock put the agreement under a microscope and found that it had some strange terms and conditions.

Pollock reported that, “Page 14, section 8 stated that Pfizer has immunity to all lawsuits involving patients claiming that they have experienced physical deformities or ailments.”

‘That’s a little fishy but still, as long as it keeps me from spreading a sickness to my pet gerbil, then I’m not gonna worry too much,” said Pollock.

There seems to be some issues that Pfizer may need to work out involving there vaccine but let’s be honest, they probably won’t.  As long as the vaccine is helping people fight a disease and Pfizer is making more money than they can count, then who really cares if your hair turns white and your teeth fall out?