National Guard has been deployed to BASD

DISCLAIMER: THIS IS NOT A TRUE STORY

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A snapshot of the chaotic scene outside of Bellwood-Antis High School.

Cooper Guyer, Satire Specialist

The Bellwood community has been sent into a panic as the US National Guard has been deployed to our school district.

The inclement weather was concerning for B-A High School’s staff, except Industrial Arts teacher and lunch monitoring specialist Mr. Crowell.

“I wasn’t scared one bit. My buddy told me about the storm and I read about it, and I also heard about it. I used to dig snow tunnels on my way to school when I was a kid, so this morning I made a call to bring in the National Guard so we can still plane enough boards to last through next week,” he said.

The plan released by high school principal Mr. Schreier states as follows: students will stay in school normally throughout Thursday and remain in the school overnight in a military-type barracks set up by the National Guard in the gymnasium. Then, students will remain in school for Friday and will be taken home safely at the end of the day in Stryker vehicles in order to combat the inclement weather.

Students who live in the Pinecroft and Tipton areas will be taken home in Blackhawk helicopters.

Many students have voiced their displeasure with the makeshift policy, including junior Ethan Norris, who stated, “I just wanna get my lift in and smash a leg day at the rec. The National Guard better set up a gym right now.”

B-A Football coach Nick Lovrich overheard these comments and assured Ethan that the football players will do their Volt lifting on schedule for Thursday.

Bellwood-Antis parents have been informed of the situation and are concerned for their children. Many are asking what their children will be fed over the next couple days. Parents were very relieved to hear that chicken nuggets and sliced bread will be provided for the hungry students. However, the students will only be limited to 5 chicken nuggets to last them the duration of the lockdown.

Some students are supporting the lockdown. Senior Jake Martin stated, “I love everything about Bellwood-Antis and what this school has to offer.  If they tell me to jump I ask, how high? If sleeping on the gym floor means I get to learn, then so be it.”

The National Guard has set up a strict perimeter with nobody allowed to enter or leave until Friday evening. To replace the sporting events that have been cancelled, the school will be holding a teacher-only boxing tournament to entertain the students. Mr. Trexler has opened up as the overwhelming favorite to take the title. Middle School Science teacher Mr. Martin disagrees with opening odds stating, “I have the hardest right hook in Blair County, and the teachers will find that out very quickly.” Bets on the tournament can be placed in the District Office.